Don't Be Tardy - Season 5 - Episode 1

OK Dolls!  You better have a WHOLE box of wine to be ready for this one. 
She's backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.....with all 6 kids, her mansion in Atlanta, her sexy man and some dogs, and her gay chef. Sigh. I want her life! 

We are starting off with Kim in the hospital after her "stroke" on Dancing With the Stars. She is smiling, kids are having fun, Kroy talked to the doctors who assure him that is not anything major, just a stroke at 38 years old and going to put some parts inside her and BAM, all better.
Now, I am not saying she's lying or this is all staged, or a publicity stunt, but she looks....weird. Too smiley. Too something. 

Now Kim is back at home with her kids and her chef and is wanting some queso ya'll ~  Chef Tracy is lost? How do you melt this cheese? GULP, drink #1 is gone now. 

Brielle is on Tinder, and Tracy is on Tinder but Brielle wonders why she isn't on Grindr? That is where all the gay people go?? Tracy reminders that is where the gay MEN go, not Lesbians. Brielle pretends to be lost. Again! Poor sweet Tracy. Just keep that beanie on your head sister, cook and get out of there! 

This FAMILY drives me nuts. First, Brielle is not dumb! In this episode, there are several clips that we are supposed to assume she is and I am not liking it. This young lady is applying for jobs on E! and Access Online, but we are too believe she is so ditsy that she doesn't know her dating apps, she doesn't know where her "Eggs" are at inside her body...and don't get me started on contouring make-up. Whoever did it, fire them, start over. 

Kim takes Kroy to the OBGYN again. Last time he was getting snipped but momma Kim wants another baby. Kroy isn't happy. They spend some time in the Atlanta traffic, honking the horn on their car at people and screaming some F bombs. This might be the only part of the show that isn't scripted and fake. I actually saw the couple laughing and having fun. 

Now they are at their doctors and he seems nice and reminds Kroy that if she is pregnant, neither of them are the father. Appropriate of a doctor.... I am not sure? 

They are going to freeze eggs, or sperm, or both. I am a little drunk at this point and just going to assume that the next kid Krog, or Kerth or Kelty will be coming in 9 months. Back at home, they warn Breille not to give BJ's because there are eggs in her throat and she will get pregnant and so, don't. Just don't. Brielle is lost. Sigh. 

Rose the psychic has come over the read some palms and tell everyone they are going to live to be 80, 90 and how many times they will be married. KJ is only getting married once. Sweet! The rest are having lots of kids. HOLD THE BRAKES KIM, you are NOT one of the ones that is having another. Ms. Sweet Rose said no more for you....... Kim just reassures us if she wants one, she will get one. 

"Do you see where I am going to have a baby for my momma" 

Anywho....it's all over. 30 minutes of my life is gone. I hugged my box of wine because it was my friend for that half hour and helped me get thru this scripted mess. Please Baby Jesus, help me get through this season. Amen