Ok, I will admit I am Ryan Murphy junkie. I may or may not follow one of his assistants on Instagram just so I can see where they are at. The poor girl is juggling a maniacs THREE sets at all times. Can you imagine? I would have a serious drinking problem if I did.
When I discuss ANYTHING about Ryan Murphy, people are usually on two sides, one side is that he is a genius and can do no wrong...and he has a SERIOUS type of man he likes, which just so happens to be the same type that I like....
Say hello to Matt, Finn and Wes
The other side thinks he is over rated, over paid and has serious Religious issues, and maybe a few mommy issues as well. I agree.
But I digress, Mr. Murphy had been holding off on releasing the TITLE of the new season. He flashed the Season 6 with a question mark all over our internets.
We the people, chewed it up. We thought about it. We had contests, discussion, theories on what it would BE. The usual people came out with Aliens...if I hear one more Reddit person discuss Area 54 and AHS in the same sentence, I will punch someone. RIGHT IN YOUR FACE! So what happened on our beloved AHS night? Mr. Ryan Murphy himself comes out in a pre-opening-act commercial with a Mercedes (Which is sponsoring this season and we are told that before, after and during the episode) and he is wearing some Kayne shoes, and he basically says "look, I know you want to know what this season is going to be called, and I will tell you but first, someone won this cool Benz for picking out the season online and well...you figure it out....enjoy the show" And so it begins............
The best way for me to describe what happened is, we are watching a show, while watching a show. It appears we are watching a documentary about Lily Rabe and Andre Holland (new cast member) as Shelby and Matt Miller. This super in love couple (we know this because they TOLD us, duh) had been walking down a random New York Street when BAM, Matt is knocked out. Broke his eye socket and he is unconscious. Shelby had been pregnant, and had a miscarriage while in the hospital attending her swollen husband. WAIT. Did I mention, this is all being reenacted by Cuba Gooding Jr. and Sarah Paulson? In fact, on the cast sheet, it even says REENACTOR.... if there was ever such.... (Drink #1 down!)
You know who these people are, you just saw them on Ryan's otherrrrr show, The-OJ-Simpson-Trial-American-Crime-Story-Travolta-Messed-It-All-Up-But-Ross-Geller-Brought-The-Kardashian-Charm Show.
That was then, this is now:
So now our lovely couple is twirling and frolicking in the Forest (uuum hmmm.....forest....trees....people....work with me!) They come across this beautiful white, sparkly little cottage in the middle of the Forest (hmmmm). I am lying. It actually looked like this:
Cozy right? Makes you want to take out your wallet and put down some roots right? Which is what they did. Wouldn't ya know it... there is an auction the next day!! Convenient.
There is another set of peeps wanting this land too, real American-Bud Light-Dipping-NRA folks that want this house. They gots their $20,000 ready!
I am not kidding. This is what Ryan Murphy brought in as "rednecks" in North Carolina. NOT West Virginia, not Alabama...NORTH CAROLINA. Really Ryan, I think it's time you get out of LA and travel a bit. The world has evolved.
Now, our yoga loving Shelby is seeing teeth fall from the sky, which reminds me of one of the more boring trailers we saw leading up to this season.
When Matt goes out of town, his sister Lee comes in. There are reasons she needs to have a baby sitter. Some pigs are screaming outside, and tearing perfectly good trashcans in half and then throwing them back at the house. A very fine skinned pig was left on the doorstep. As you do in the south. Don't they understand Southern Hospitality?)
Now the REAL Lee (not the reenactor) is someone we have seen before. That's Sally Freeman from Season 1 (Adina Porter) that put the good doctor to sleep with her boring AF stories.
This season her reenactor is Angela Bassett. A tough cop that got shot and now has a serious pain killer issue. She has lost her husband and child and is now a recovering addict; with a chip on her should. Joy. (I couldn't find a picture of her new character on line, but let's say, it's her BEST look yet. Sister is FIERCE!)
While Shelby and her SIL enjoy some bonding time together, "someone" rolled a fine wine into Lee's room, which has them fighting. Right about the same time that Matt's app called WATCH-MY-HOME-WITH-MY-CRAZY-WIFE-IS-HOME-ALONE-WITH-MY-CRAZY-SISTER. He sees the men coming with pitch forks and torches. Again, does anyone not understand how we do in the South? A little WELCOME TO OUR HOOD party is not crazy. Anywho, Matt calls his woman folk, and all their phones are on vibrate. Which remind me, that feeling when your husband calls you 15 times and your phone was on silent and you call him back and you get the question of WHY was your phone on silent, I needed you.....always drives me crazy. Like, obs I was not trying to blow up the library with a loud phone so it was on silent and then I went on with my day and totally forgot about my phone, so DUH, it's still on silent! So the bad people come, walk in the house, forcing the woman to head to the basement. No thank you. NO NO NO. Stop it. Why is THAT your last resort. I am under a bed, in a cabinet, anywhere but the basement. NO MAAM!
The sisters come out of the basement, and some Blair Witch dolls hanging all over the house. How sweet, HOUSE WARMING GIFTS! Goodie!
Sister Shelby is done. She is literally OVER this house and gets in her Prius (wait! Wasn't this show sponsored by Mercedes? Where is her C class? ) and runs smack DAB into Kathy Bates (Autograph please?) who looks like typical Kathy....crazy, old, pilgrim dress and a some hair issues!) Sounds like she will have another accent. Sigh. Why Ryan, WHY?
Shelby gets lost in the woods trailing behind an injured Kathy. I looked up her character name online but can't find it again. I think her son will be Evan Peters. Who has died his hair red for this season. Interesting....or not.
My thoughts
Each AHS fan has favorite seasons. When I write the seasons down, it's clearly every other year for me. Murder House, Coven and Hotel are my top 3. Asylum and Freak Show, not so much. Now, I did LIKE them, and Asylum ended strong. Super scary serial killer/rape stuff. Those are also the seasons that the first episode was super confusing. Just like this one. I can't tell where this is going. Do I want the whole season to be like a documentary. No thanks!
Where I see this all going? I am still thinking a Forest theme. TMZ reported earlier in the year a set with the words Croatoan carved in a tree. CROATOAN
This is the first time we have heard about this village. Remember back please to season 1. Oh Ryan, you sneaky bald devil! Sarah Paulson’s character, Billie Dean Howard, said that a Native American chief vanished the ghosts of the Roanoke settlers with a curse, and that “Croatoan” was the word used to seal the spell. Later, Taissa Farmiga’s character, Violet, attempted to use the word to banish Chad, played by Zachary Quinto. However, it didn’t work. Read about it here: AHS
I would love to here in order what seasons are your favorite below in the comments! Mine are:
1. Coven
2. Murder House
3. Hotel
4. Asylum
5. Freak Show or MRN
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